


The Meaning of Everything

by anthonytheboy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Star Wars: Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: Best Friends, Coming of Age, Discovery, Dog BB-8, Epistolary, Exploration, Exposition, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Love, Nothing is Something, Open to Interpretation, POV First Person, Poe Finn Rey are best friends, Self-Discovery, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-04-14 07:37:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14131278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anthonytheboy/pseuds/anthonytheboy
Summary: Told through an epistolary POV using Finn's letters to a "dear friend", this is all about Finn's journey from ninth to twelfth grade alongside new friends he makes, his father, personal discoveries about the meaning of nothing, something, and everything, and life itself folding in front of him.





	1. August-September 2016

**Author's Note:**

  * For [everyone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/everyone/gifts).



> Hello dear friends of Archive,
> 
> How are you all? I hope you're all well. Some of you may know me due to past stories I have written. If you have read anything by me called "The Meaning of Everything", then you are probably aware that I abandoned both copies I tried to write for them. I can't guarantee that I'll finish this copy as well because I am busy with other things in my life and am also working on something with the same name as this, but I came up with some new ideas for this story, and wanted to give it another try. I'm not a very good writer. I tend to repeat a lot of the things already said, my language for descriptions, emotions, and scenery is generally too simple and sparse, and I also tend to have a choppy and stale style. However, because writing is one of my favorite things to do, I want to improve my skills, while also trying my best to provide to you all entertainment. That's why I would like to let you know that you're free to give me criticism. I would love to change the things you dislike about the way I write. 
> 
> Lastly, I would like to thank all of you on Archive. While I haven't been to most parts of the community, the community on Archive I have seen are very supportive, respectful, and so friendly! It's the reason why I have dedicated this work to everyone. Thanks for all you do.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this. I won't guarantee it's good. I need a lot of work on writing, but I hope there's some enjoyment you receive from this.
> 
> Your friend forever,  
> anthonytheboy

August 25, 2016

Hello dear friend,  
My name is Finn, it’s nice to meet you. I know that we’ve never talked, nor have we met, but I just need to have a place where I can write everything on my mind and forget about it. I’ve always released all my emotions through writing and after reading this book where the protagonist sent letters to anonymous people, I felt like it may help me to do the same. 

Before I actually begin routinely sending you letters, though, I just wanted to apologize for everything that could occur. I know I’m probably bothering you by sending letters often, but the point of these letters is to just get thoughts out of the way. If you don’t want to read any of it, you can throw them all out. In fact, I didn’t put a return address just so that you wouldn’t know my identity. Finn isn’t my real name anyway. It’s just a name I made up for myself that I’m using so that I can communicate with you. Even if you never read something I send you, there’s something comforting to me in the fact that the letter is being sent somewhere, and that someone like you is watching, understanding everything. Diaries and journals are great, but they can be found. These can only be found by you. I’ve always loved to write letters to people. I’ve always thought it’s intimate and special. I’m not exactly sure if it’s the fact that you anticipate letters from people, and the hype makes the letters cooler or because letters are fleshed out writings, which reveal a lot about a person, but there’s something about letters that I love. 

Lastly before I begin, I want to thank you for everything you’re doing right now and everything you will do. Thank you for keeping my secrets, worries, and fears, and thanks for understanding everything. I really appreciate it, and even though I’ll never receive a letter from you, I hope I can understand everything about you as well. I hope I can return the favor through these letters or some way or another, whether it be I send gifts, or I help communicate voices through these letters. 

 

It’s been a year since my best friend committed suicide. 

I remember the day so clearly. He seemed fine as well. Slip and I actually went out that day too. We went to the mall and ate at his favorite restaurant because it was his birthday. We talked about what we wanted to do and what we thought would happen to eighth grade. He was diagnosed with depression in the beginning of seventh grade, but he showed no signs that day he was with me. If anything, it seemed he was better. He was laughing, talked about how confident he felt about the upcoming year, and talked about completing his goal to earn 1,000 trophies on XboX LIve. I never was really a big fan of videogames, but he loved them. I thought it was a step in the right direction. 

Then, three hours later, I got a call from his mom, and she was telling me that she needed me there, that I may be the last hope. I didn’t understand why she kept saying this until my dad rushed me to Slip’s house. He was on top of the roof, looking down at the ground, and that’s when I knew why Slip’s mom called me.

I had no idea what to do. I wasn’t sure whether to rush inside the house and climb onto the rooftop with him and try to talk him down, or to start talking to him from where I was. 

He made the choice for me, though. 

He shouted, “Finn! Go home!”

I kept shaking my head and told him that I’m here for him and that he can come down, but he kept telling me to go home.

I think what broke my heart the most was that after a couple of times of telling me to go home, he said, “Finn… you don’t deserve this. I can’t do this to you. You gotta go home.”

I could feel hot tears coming from my eyes. I was so panicked that he was going to jump. I felt like he would at any moment, but at the same time, I was in such disbelief that he was standing up there that I kept thinking that he had to come down, but I refused to back down.

“No, Slip. I’m sorry. I can’t obey you. If you’re not coming down, I’m coming up to you. You’re my best friend, and no one and nothing can change that.”

He grinned for a moment, and I could see him also shed a tear. I think the police, and Slip’s parents taught what I said worked because I could see them develop a smile. Slip looked great as well. Like everyone else, I was expecting him to come down, but in an instant second, he just said, “Thank you, Finn.”

His body landed in a thud on the ground, and you could hear parts of his skull break with the sound of cracks. His mom burst into screams, and I looked over at Slip’s parents to find them embracing each other with grief, and the police officers looking at one another with bewilderment and sadness. 

At first, there were no tears. I didn’t believe he was dead. It didn’t matter that he was bleeding, I just kept thinking that there was no way he was dead. I ran over to his body and rolled it over so that I could see his face.

“Hey, Slip,” I said. “How you doin’?”

He didn’t say anything obviously, but I seriously expected him to say something, and when I started repeating his name and cradling him, I realized the unfortunate truth.

His death hit me very hard. At the funeral, they wanted me to say something about SLip, and I was still so upset by his death that all I could do when I walked up there was cry and mutter, “He’s the only Slip out of all the people that existed, do exist, and will exist, no matter what, and I wish I had told him that.”

There’s many moments where I feel like it’s my fault he’s gone. I feel like as his best friend, I should have noticed, but I never did, and I feel terrible in that I could have possibly saved him, but I wasn’t able to. I dream of his suicide sometimes, or I have dreams where we’re hanging out, and I just start crying, and he asks me what’s wrong, and I keep wanting to tell him that I’m there for him and that if he needs to talk to anyone, he can talk to them, but everytime I try to speak, my dialogue is mute. Slip never deserved to die. In my opinion, no one ever deserves to, even the most evil people, but the fact that it happened to him, and that he chosed it for himself makes me feel wretched for him. The fact that all the other kids thought he was messed up or weird didn’t change the fact that I liked him, and I thought he was a compassionate, cool, mature, and funny person.

Eighth grade wasn’t too bad, and I knew that when the teachers were checking on me, they were trying to be nice, and I appreciated it, but I really wanted them to leave me alone. I spent most of my time alone because all the people who picked on Slip and I started to leave me alone, and Slip was really the only person I hung out with. I knew him since I was three, and our friendship was very close.

I’m telling you all of this because I’m very nervous for high school. My dad and I are moving out of our house tomorrow because we’re moving homes, and I’m going to a high school where I won’t know anybody. To be honest, everyone will be new because I’m entering freshmen year, but I do feel lost without Slip by my side. I have my freshmen orientation the day after I move in and my first day of school September 6. 

Have a good day!

Your friend forever,  
Finn

 

September 5, 2016

Hello dear friend,

I’ve settled into my new home with my dad and dog, and it’s not too bad. It’s actually bigger than my previous home, which is nice in a way. I’ll admit that I’m already homesick for my old home. I’m the type who doesn’t like to switch to new things because I get attached to the items I already have because of memories. I’m guessing that if I get used to the home a little more, I’ll stop feeling too homesick. 

Orientation was better than I expected. The school itself is very large because our student population is nearly 2,800, so I’m sure it’s going to take me some time to learn the geography of the school, and I got to meet all my teachers, who seem nice. I got my high school schedule today before orientation, so I’m all set and ready to go for tomorrow. The only thing I need to prepare is my soul. 

I know it’s not a big deal at all, but I feel so nervous…

Have a good day, dear friend.

Your friend forever,  
Finn

 

September 6, 2016

Hello dear friend,

I don’t like high school very much, sadly. I tried to go to the school without any negativity, but I ended up being pretty disappointed. When I went to use the bathroom this morning, I found two people vaping and drinking vodka in the stalls. It was quite odd, and I’m not used to seeing people use drugs and alcohol like that, especially at such a young age. I feel very bad for those kids. I hope they’re able to stop. There’s also a lot of work. Today, alone, I received homework from each class except Spanish. 

Thankfully, it seems like all my classmates and teachers are nice. I’m hoping that I can be as kind as I can to everyone because I know that makes people feel good, and I want people to feel good. Plus, maybe I can make friends. After a year of loneliness and a fresh start in an area where no one knows me, I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made before. It’s like that feeling where you know you want to change for the better but at the same time, you still want to keep the little individual things that makes you “you”. Does that make any sense? Reading what I just wrote again, I’m not exactly sure if it is. 

Have a good day!

Your friend forever,  
Finn

 

September 7, 2016

Hello dear friend,

I’m very excited to write you this letter today. I talked to people! 

I met three people today, and I already like them already. What’s even crazier is that our meeting may have been total luck.

When I walked into the gym this morning (it’s my first class on what the school calls a “B Day”), I found two kids beating each other up. It was not a pleasant sight. I didn’t notice a guy in the gym come up to me to speak but sure enough, I heard a light-hearted voice on the right of me say, “There’s gotta already be a fight? Wow.”

The boy had black hair, and an awesome t-shirt which had a picture of a Golden Retriever playing guitar. I loved it from the moment I saw it. He had earbuds on, but his earbuds weren’t connected to a phone, they were connected to a classical-retro MP3, which is probably back from the mid 2000s.

I decided maybe if I spoke to him we could begin a conversation, so I replied, “Yeah, and it’s only the second day of school.”

He laughed. “Just like all the other schools in our area, the kids are probably going to be given a warning, but they won’t really do anything to make sure this never happens again.”

I nodded my head to help him know I understood what he was saying. I reached out my hand to try to introduce myself. “Hey there. My name is Finn, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Finn?” he asked. “That’s an awesome name. I’m Poe.”

“Thanks; good to meet you, Poe!” 

“Nice to meet you too, Finn.”

He asked if he could see my schedule, and it turns out we have a lot of classes together. This got me very excited because if we become friends, I realized, we could hang out often!  
We didn’t do anything in gym because today was the day they were giving out locks for lockers. Because we had a lot of free time, Poe and I just talked about life. We talked about violins because we both play one. He also asked me if I was from here, which I answered that I wasn’t and told him about Pennsylvania. He told me about his dad and mom, who are both members of the Air Force, but his dad is a gym teacher in a nearby middle school off-duty and his mom stays home to take care of him and his siblings. I asked about his siblings, as I never had any. He told me that siblings are funny because they’re both the largest curses and blesses a kid could ever get. All we did was talk about ourselves to get know each other, and I loved the conversation we had. It reminded of the times I had with Slip. Poe was so sincere and friendly while talking to me that I felt very fuzzy and appreciated. I wish I could have told him so, but I was worried it’d come off a bit creepy, so I didn’t say anything about that.

When gym was over, I had to go to study hall and Geometry, but I wasn’t too worried because I knew I’d see him again later. I gave him a good-bye and told him I’d see him later, which he did the same. It had been nearly a year and two weeks the last time someone told me they’d see me later. I don’t know why, but it made me feel so sentimental and content at the same time.

All through study hall and Geometry, I could only think about meeting Poe again. I had made a friend, and I felt very proud. I hoped that I can try my best to be nice and sincere to him, like he was to me. I wanted him to feel the great things I felt when I was talking to him.

When it was time for Orchestra, I discovered we’re actually supposed to have lunch before Orchestra begins, so I went into the cafeteria to try to buy lunch and see if I could find Poe at a lunch table. I got a chance to meet even more new people because of this opportunity. I don’t know why I did it, but I turned around to look back. When I turned back around to stop running, though, I crashed into another person.

“Ow!” I heard a girl shout.

After I got up from the fall, I realized I ran into someone. I felt awful. I didn’t mean to hurt someone, so I openly admitted it.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you. Are you okay?” 

I helped her up by grabbing onto her left hand, and she turned to look up at me, and I mean it… I was staggered. She was one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen. She had brunette hair and a face which looked so clean that it almost looked like a light was shining on her face, making her face appear brighter. Her hands were so soft and fit symmetrically with mine, and her eyes twinkled with genuine ecstasy. She wore a gray shirt, which matched perfectly with her gray pants and gray shoes and had a backpack with galaxy stars all over it. I was already starstruck (no pun intended).

We were looking at each other for a while, and I watched her bite her lip for a brief second before she answered, “Yeah… I’m okay. Are you?”

I nodded my head. “I really am sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. 

There was an awkward silence between us until she said, “I’ve never seen you already here.”

“Yeah, I moved from Pennsylvania to here over the summer.”

“Pennsylvania? That’s interesting! Did you like it over there?”

“Yeah, I did. I like it here too, though.”

Her lips developed a small lopsided smile. “What made you and your family move here?” she asked.

“Had to do with my dad’s job,” I answered.

“I see,” she said. After pausing to look down at the floor for a second, she continued, “I… I don’t know your name.”

“Finn,” I answered. “What about you?”

“I’m Rey,” she said with a large beam.

I smiled back at her. The moment felt so right. I wish I could use much better adjectives to describe it, but I don’t know. It was just a great moment, and I feel like using more words to describe the moment would kinda ruin the emotions I felt when I was there with her. That’s when I looked down and realized we were still holding hands.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to keep holding your hand,” I said, letting it go. I could feel my face turn bright red, which made me feel more embarrassed. I didn’t want to seem out of touch. 

Rey giggled. “It’s okay. That’s my bad as well. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Rey.”

“Finn! Rey!” Poe shouted as he ran towards us. “It’s great to see you two. I saved you guys some seats.”

That’s when he suddenly looked at us. “Wait… how did you two meet?”

“Oh… um… we… uh... we met because…. we…” Rey looked at me with a shy but charming smile and was silent for a few moments until she continued, “... we… we met.”

Poe just looked at me, then her, and let out a small chuckle. “Well, Finn, it seems that you’ve met one of my best friends, Rey. I’m very happy you did. I have a lot of other friends I’d like you to meet.”

After I bought my lunch, Poe introduced me to his group of friends, who were all very friendly. First was a girl named Jessika. Poe told me that he’s known Jessika since they were seven, which is the longest friendship he’s ever had excluding Rey. (He’s known Rey since they were five.) Then, there was Snap. Snap was playing on a DS, which I found fascinating. It’s been years since I’ve seen someone use it, and it brought me back to the times when Slip and I played on the DS when we weren’t together but wanted to be. There also was Rose, who explained to me that she moved in this area in eighth grade and sympathizes with the feelings I have right now. I appreciated her kindness. Lastly, there was Paige, who is Rose’s big sister, in a grade above all of us. She was reading a book on different aircrafts used in World War II and didn’t really say much, but I could tell she was a nice person.

After lunch was over, we went to Orchestra together, and met our Orchestra teacher. He wasn’t there during our orientation day. According to Rose and Poe, Mr. Dunham is known for being one of the best teachers around. 

His room had a poster which said a complete insult with music notes, which I thought was both twisted and comedic, and a broken violin hung up for display. There were also puzzles of Voldemort, Thanos, and His room felt claustrophobic because there is nearly seventy chairs and thirty five stands, but it felt simultaneously welcoming.

All we did today in the class was get locks for our instrument lockers, but I got to know all of the people Poe hung out with better. Rose and Paige asked me a lot of questions. I tried to ask some to them to try to be as polite as possible, but it seemed that they really wanted to know a lot about me. Whenever I asked them a question, they answered very quickly and redirected it to me. Poe, Snap, and Jessika engaged in some of the conversation as well. They’d make friendly comments about something I said, and Snap, especially, would sometimes joke about something I said, which would make me chuckle. Rey didn’t really say anything, but I noticed that she was paying attention to everything going on. There’s a lot I learned about everyone else Poe hangs out with, but I haven’t really heard anything from Rey. I do want to get to know her better, though. 

Nevertheless, when I got on the bus to go home that day, I felt an immense afterglow. It was such a beautiful feeling, a feeling I never knew was possible to experience. The last time I had ever felt this was good was a time in sixth grade in which Slip and I ziplined all across the campsite we visited, and we could see all the diversity colored leaf trees, light blue sky, and picturesque clouds. Even better was that night, when Slip and I snuck out of our bunker and looked at the stars, and Slip told me he was going to go to one, and that he wanted his crush and me to come with him. I had never seen him look so delighted as that night when he told me that. He said it with such strong confidence, as if he knew it was going to happen, and he smiled so wide that his eyes completely squinted. It was the last time I saw him smile like he did until his birthday, the day he died. 

I feel so thankful that I met Poe, Rey, Rose, Paige, Snap, and Jessika. All of my fears of high school are now gone. Maybe, I’m being too confident right now, but I have a great feeling about this year. I’m starting to feel that my dad was right, and this is a chance… a chance for me to start over, be someone different while being me, and I think I like this.

Have a good day!

Your friend forever,  
Finn

 

September 14, 2016

Hello dear friend,

I love my dad, and I truly mean that. He’s the best dad I could ever ask for. My dad and I this past weekend went to see a movie and eat lunch together. I was really happy we did this, not only because I love him, but because ever since my mother’s death, he’s been very sorrowful and works all the time. I saw him joyful in a very long time. 

He acts like he’s happy around me, and whenever I ask him how work was for him when he gets home around six, he always says, “Well... Finn, it was very well, thank you, my son,” and makes him and myself dinner while asking me questions about me. He’s very selfless. He always asks about me, which I appreciate, but I want him to feel appreciated too. I usually try to ask him questions as well, but he usually returns the focus back to me. 

Though at night, I always peek in his room to see how he is doing, and I always notice that he’s sobbing while hugging pictures of my mom to his chest. It breaks my heart and seeing it more and more has never gotten me used to it. If anything, seeing it more and more makes it harder for me to watch, because I just want him to feel better again, but I know it’s not happening. 

I’ve always wondered if I should help him find a counselor or therapist to deal with his stresses and fears, but then I realize he’d know that I was watching him, and if he wanted me to know about what he did in his room alone at night, he would tell me. I think it’s best that if he wants something to be private, I keep it that way. I sometimes feel wrong for watching him at night without his permission, but I feel like I kinda have to, to make sure if he’s okay. Is it wrong for me to spy on him at night? If it is, I hope that I’m at least doing it to help him. I’d never want to hurt him.

As I’m in the middle of the second week of freshman year, it’s not too bad. The work is getting heavier and tougher as we’re going on, but I feel that confidence that I felt on my first day of school. I hang out with Poe and his friends often. I spend the most time with Poe because I have the most classes with him, but I really like being with him. I’ve gotten to know all of his friends surprisingly well already except for Rey. Rey is almost like a mystery.

Poe told me that he doesn’t know why Rey isn’t talking very much, even though she’s a little quieter when there’s a large group of people. He told me that she is actually a very social person, so he finds it odd. I think I may get it, though.

Usually, I’m most social when I’m talking to one, two, or three people. I try to engage in the conversation, and I like it a lot too, because it feels very personal. When I have to engage in a conversation with lots of people, I back down a lot and don’t really talk. Usually, when I’m with a big group, the only things I say to the people are some greetings and how are yous and then I kinda remain silent for the rest of it. This is mainly because when I usually do end up speaking, people don’t really listen, and I find that when people are usually talking about something in a big group, it’s not something I want to talk about in public. For example, a lot of them talk about politics. I have stern and confident views in politics, but I don’t want to talk about it with other people like that because it’s not a “debate”, if you know what I mean, and I don’t want to have to hurt people’s feelings when I don’t have to. Other times, they may talk about other people at school. I once joined a conversation about this, and afterward, I felt terrible, because I knew it wasn’t right at all to talk about people behind their back, and I wouldn’t want people talking about Slip or me like that behind our backs. I swore to myself I would never do it again, and I haven’t done it since. Stuff like that kinda makes me quieter in large groups. I really sympathize with Rey. 

I don’t see Rey alone too often. Whenever I see her, it’s always with Poe and his group of friends, which may be why I haven’t been able to talk to her too often. I think about her often too, which is weird. I barely know her. The only things I know about her are that she has a British accent (I do too, though, because Slip’s family and mine lived in the UK from when we were three to ten years old), she loves planes and aircraft, she’s Poe’s best friend, knew Poe the longest, and what she looks like. I’ve been thinking that maybe I should try to talk to her one-on-one, but I don’t really know how to do that. I don’t really know what time I could even see her, and I don’t know what to say. I’m worried that if it’s just us, I’ll start to stutter, or I’ll forget what I say. To be honest with myself, though, I don’t know why I’m worried about that. I talk to Paige, Rose, and Jessika normally. Not only that, I think about her a lot for some reason. Whenever there’s nothing to do, the memory of the day we met keeps popping into my head, and the dialogue we exchanged keeps repeating in my head, almost like it is a fixation.

I also met another guy recently. Snap has told me to avoid him, but I think he is very interesting. His name is Ben, but he orders everyone to call him Kylo Ren. He wears a mask wherever he goes, even though the dress code at the school doesn’t allow masks. I asked Snap why the principal never says anything to him, even though he’s violating the rules, and Snap told me it’s because they know he won’t listen.

I do wonder why Ben would walk everywhere he goes with a mask on. I feel like at some point, I’d get tired of wearing a mask everywhere I went. Many people claimed to have seen his face with his mask on, but Snap said that he doesn’t really know how much of them are true because he’s only known him since seventh grade. When Poe joined our conversation, he told us he has seen Ben with his mask off in first grade, the year he met him, but he started to wear one in second grade, and hasn’t pulled it off in his sight ever since.

Either way, he seems very sad. He doesn’t talk much to anyone. The only time I got a chance to talk to him, I noticed his voice is distorted through the mask in order to make it sound deep and harrowing. He only talks to two other kids in my class named Phasma and Hux, in Orchestra. In my other classes that I have him with: Biology, Geometry, and English, no one says a word to him except Hux or Phasma. He sits all alone in classes without his friends, writing and drawing quickly and anxiously. I never looked to see what he does in there, as I feel like that is a violation of his privacy, but I wonder what type of stuff he puts in there. I tried to talk to him before. Knowing what it’s like to go months without having a chat with people in school, I decided that I should go talk to him one day to see him if he’d enjoy it. It doesn’t seem like he likes to talk at all, though. When I came up to him to engage in a conversation, he asked me what I wanted from him. When I told him all I wanted was to be his friend, he told me that it isn’t possible and that he wants me to get away from him before I make his death list. 

I feel pretty sorry for him. I hope Hux and Phasma are good friends to him, but if they aren’t, I hope he finds better ones. Maybe, he doesn’t want to be with me just because he has a bad feeling about me in the gut, but he deserves a good life too. After all, under that mask, is a boy just like me, who has parents, eats sweets, reads books, writes in a journal, watches movies, rides a bike, runs outside, breathes, sleeps, makes friends, and falls in love. 

I should go do my homework now, though. Have a good day!

Your friend forever,  
Finn

 

September 23, 2016

Hello dear friend,

I just realized after all this time that I’ve been kinda rude writing the letters. I never really asked about you. I’m really sorry about that, and I hope you’re okay with that. How are you? I hope you’re doing well. How’s life going? How’s your family and friends? I hope they’re all okay and healthy. I hope you’re having a good time with them, like I’m having a great time with Poe and the group. What do you like to do? What do you want to be, if you’re not in college yet, and if you’ve made into adulthood, what do you do? Do you like what you do? 

Even if I can’t ever get a response from you, imagining you living a great life pleases me, and I feel like asking you these questions helps you think about the answers to those questions. 

I had a great day today… I got a chance to talk to Rey. I was waiting for my dad to pick me after school in the library, and I saw her come in. I felt a tingly sense of excitement and timidness, but I knew I’ve always wanted to talk to her. I watched her sit down in a seat, and I slowly walked over to her.

“Hi, Rey,” I said, looking down at her.

She looked up for a moment and gave me a wide smile. “Hey, Finn.”

“How are you?:

“I’m doing great. How about yourself?”

I nodded my head. “I’m doing great too. Thanks.”

We were just there, for a little while until Rey asked, “Do you want to sit with me?”

I stuttered a little bit because I was really nervous, but I managed to gasp out a yes before I sat down across from her.

“This is nice,” she said as I sat down. 

“Yeah. I’ve wanted to talk with you,” I replied.

“Really?” she asked, looking up at me with a startled expression.

I nodded my head. “I’ve gotten to know Poe and all of his friends, except you, and I wanted to get to know you better.”

She grinned again, a really special grin this time around. “I’ve wanted to as well.”

I smiled back as she put down her pencil and asked me, “Where are you coming from?”

“I was just at a club meeting,” I answered.

She asked what club I came from, which I answered, and pretty soon, we were on this really great conversation about extracurricular activities. 

She’s a swimmer just like me! It was something I wasn’t expecting, and it was interesting to know. I know Poe is one, but I had no clue Rey was one as well. We talked about the high school varsity team because we have to try out for it in November, and whether or not we’d get in or not.

I loved the conversation we had. I learned that she’s been swimming for nearly eight years, which is around the time I have, and she told me about how she’s an only child, but she always wondered what it’s like to have a sibling… which I can completely relate to. She wants to grow up to become a pilot, just like Paige and Poe, and her passion for flying came when she went to an airshow where lots of military planes flew around. She explained to me how the idea of flying, especially to somewhere she’s never been before was so appealing to her, that she didn’t want to be around here. I was curious as to why she didn’t, but I felt like it’d be impolite of me to ask her, so I didn’t comment anything on that. However, I did ask her when she saw the airshow, which she told me she saw it with Poe and Snap when they were in the fourth grade. She also told me about how she met Poe, which was one of the cutest stories I had heard.

They met at a daycare center, and Poe had a large bag of Sour Patch Kids, but he only liked the red and orange ones and didn’t want the yellow and green ones. Rey liked the yellow and green ones, but disliked the red and orange, so she asked Poe if she could have the flavors he disliked, and Poe gave her the rest. Everyday, Rey would come back to Poe for the green and yellow ones. One day, Poe had accidentally knocked over a mug on a table. When the mug shattered on the ground, he really loved the sound it created, so he tried to take his lunchbox and destroy it to hear the sound again. Rey realized that he was about to destroy his own lunch and because he had been giving her Skittles for a while, she ran over and prevented him from doing so. When the preschool teacher started to see what was happening, she got very angry at Poe for breaking the mug. To distract her from it, Rey took another mug and shattered it on the ground. When they were both punished for breaking mugs, Poe asked her why she disliked the red and orange candy, and Rey told Poe that it was solely because she didn’t like the taste. Henceforth, they played and talked often and became best friends. 

While we talked a lot about her, it wasn't all about her. After I asked her a lot of questions about herself, it seemed that she wanted to shift the topic to information about me. She asked me why I moved to Virginia, which I told her was because of my dad’s job. She asked which neighborhood I moved into, which made us find out that she, Poe, and I lived in the same community. She asked me what my hobbies were, which are to read books, write, watch films, listen to music, and look outside up at the stars. In return, she told me her favorite hobby was to run outside at night when the stars are out while listening to music. I had never done anything like that before, and she told me that I should try it one day when I have time. In exchange, I recommended her an activity I sometimes do on my own. 

It’s going to sound very odd at first, so please bear with me. Would you like to know what it is? Basically, the activity is crying yourself to sleep. I know that’s very odd, but what you do is you go into an empty room without the lights on. A good place to do this might be your basement, if you have one. That’s where I always do it. Secondly, you need to either have a bluetooth speaker with good sound quality or a pair of earbuds or headphones. I personally do it with my headphones. Third, you need to make a music playlist. The music can be anything, but it’s a good idea to mix music that provoke all sorts of emotions in the playlist. For example, if you put in a joyful song, also add a sad song. Lastly, you have to move around the room, whether it be by dancing, running, walking, or singing while thinking of all the memories and emotions that come out while listening to the song. While I don’t know if this has the same effect on someone else if someone were to do it, I’ve discovered that for me, personally, a few things happen from doing this activity: I think of good times from the past, I get nostalgia (even more so if I play a song that I listened to as a younger child), and I start to cry when I think of the past, whether it to be a good or bad memory. The nice thing about crying myself to sleep, though, is that when you wake up the next morning, you feel almost re-born, as if all your fears and worries have been literally washed away in your cycle of tears. While I can’t guarantee success, I feel that if you’re ever interested, it’s worth giving a try. 

Just in case you’re wondering, this was not my idea. I learned it from a classmate who revealed to the class that this was his favorite activity on the first day of school, and I can see why. Like he said, it is very therapeutic. 

Rey was giggling the whole time I was telling her about this, and her giggle was so warm and angelic-sounding that I couldn’t help but just start laughing with her by the time I got to the part where you have to run around and sing while listening to the playlist. When I was done telling her how to cry yourself to sleep, she looked at me for a good second and in a joking tone told me, “Finn, you’re weird.”

I gave her a smirk and nodded my head. “I know.”

 

We both looked down at the ground for a few seconds, almost as if we were programmed to mirror each other’s action until Rey looked up at me and said, “Sorry… I just realized what I just said may sound insulting. You’re a very normal person.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to a comment like this, so I just told her I thank her, and then she said something pretty bewildering.

“I’m sorry, I just realized I called you boring by saying that. You’re not boring at all, and that’s why I said you’re weird… not that I’m saying you’re weird; you’re normal but not boring; you’re something, and the fact that you’re something makes you not normal… oh, good grief… that doesn’t make any sense, does it, now?”

All I could fixate my focus on was the fact that she called me something and not boring, because there was something about the way she said that made me feel very special. 

“Don’t worry about it,” I told her. “I get what you said.”

She nodded her head, and I added, “By the way, what you said wasn’t offensive. I took it as a compliment. Am… am I really not boring?”

She gave me a good look, staring into my eyes, almost as if she was trying to directly read my signals, and make a decision on whether to say something or not. She took a gulp and said, “Yes, Finn. I meant what I said.”

“Thanks,” I quietly said.

I had to quickly look down on the ground because I felt my face getting red and hot, and I didn’t want her to see me blush. I’m pretty sure she noticed, though. Ironically, she also started blushing,, but I noticed a hot red blush on her cheeks as she looked down at the ground. When we caught each other staring at each other to see if we were blushing, our blushes got stronger, and we both looked down at the table at the same time, refusing to meet each other’s eyes. 

I got a call from my dad a few minutes later.

As I was leaving the library, I looked at Rey one last time and said, “It was nice really getting to meet you, Rey.”

She nodded her head in response. “It was nice getting to know you too, Finn.”

The awkward silence between us was long, but she ended it by saying, “I…. I… I’ll see you around… in school… right?”

“Yeah… yeah… we’ll see each other with Poe, Snap, and all of them.”

“Right,” she said and with a slight smile, she continued, “Bye, Finn.”

“Have a good day,” I responded before I walked out of the school.

When I got to the car, my dad noticed my large smile and red blush on my face, and he gave me a funny look. He asked me how my day was, and I just told him it was a great one.

All I could think about at the moment was the conversation I had with Rey, and the amazement I felt from it. I haven't felt this anxious yet so fulfilled and joyful in a very long time. The emotion I felt was so powerful, and the butterflies in my stomach were still there on the car ride home. I think my dad could tell there was something up with me, and I, myself, could tell something was up with me, but I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. I still am not sure what I’m feeling. All I can say is that I know a little about Rey, I just want to know more.

Have a good day, dear friend.

Your friend forever,  
Finn


	2. October 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear friend, 
> 
> I'm so sorry for not being able to update this for such a long time! Now that it is summer, I hope to write more and attempt to write as much of this as I can. Thanks for all the patient waiting.
> 
> I wasn't exactly sure how to build this chapter up, as this story has a lot of slow burn and exposition, but I tried to make it as entertaining as possible. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> As always, if you have any criticism, feel free to let me know, and if there is anything you want to see in future chapters, feel free to talk about it! Enjoy.
> 
> Your friend forever,  
> anthonytheboy

October 11, 2017

Hello dear friend,  
Do you ever wake up sometimes, and the weather is so nice outside that you don’t really care that you have to go to school? It’s just nice to look at how everything is beautiful on days like these. Even better, these are the times when I feel great. I don’t feel insecure. I actually start to feel a little happy that I am me, and I don’t think too much or have dark thoughts. I even… actually feel a little self-confident, and I’m the polar opposite of self-confident. Nevertheless, I sometimes feel a little bad when I start to feel really happy because I know that means that this feeling is going to go away soon, and that I’m going to start to feel a little numb again. I try my best to remember exactly what I feel like on days like these so that when I feel numb, I can bring back these feelings. Sadly, this never works. Even in the journal I used to write in all the time, I would try to do this, but it never worked.

School is even weirder now, though. I thought it was impossible for high school to get even weirder, but sadly, nothing has been stopping it from becoming outlandish. I thought all my teachers were great in the beginning of the year, but I’m slowly starting to question some of their behaviors. I noticed that while not all teachers at my school are like this, a lot of them act just like teens. 

For example, two other math teachers came into my Geometry classroom recently, and my Geometry teacher gossiped with them on other teachers and staff. They also talked poorly on the principal! Yikes! He seems like a really nice guy too, who really doesn’t deserve to be talked about in such a manner. I talked to him last week, and we had a really nice chat.

Academics itself is also odd right now too. My Biology teacher doesn't like to teach us directly. Instead, she gives us packets for each lesson and make us get the answers from Google or the textbook. It’s even funnier because while she may answer a question sometimes, she tells people to find the answer to their question on Google more often than not when they ask a question. My Geometry teacher also does something similar to this, but it is a little different. 

She runs a class, which she calls “flipped classroom”. If you search up what it is, there is actually a lot of information on it, but just in case you don’t know what this is, “flipped classroom” is where the class is literally flipped. Most of the lecturing and learning is done at home, while the homework is done during class. I can understand that this system as some benefits, but I find it very odd and don’t really like it. I’ve found that I finish all the homework during the class far too quick and have nothing to do for the majority of the class. 

My Geometry teacher also makes the tests much harder than the work we do in class, and thus, there are some material on the tests and quizzes that we have never been taught. The average for our previous unit test was a sixty-six percent! Yikes! 

She also rants a lot. Ever since the first day she began “flipped classroom”, all she did was talk about how middle school teachers are all very, very evil people and how they don’t prepare kids well enough to survive in high school. The best memories I have of my middle school life are the amazing teachers I had, especially my eighth grade English teacher. I really don’t know why she goes on this rant often. She also rants about how the standards of colleges have gone down, how most kids don’t graduate college because middle and high school are a “joke”, and how our principal is awful. I really don’t like how she rants during this time, and I don’t like how she keeps talking like this because it makes me fearful of the future and ashamed of myself.

I was really curious if Poe’s teacher is like this (because he takes this course as well, but has a different teacher). He agreed that the class is very hard, but he was surprised by the way my teacher ran the class. He told me his teacher is nothing like this and does not use a “flipped classroom” model. I guess my math teacher is just doing things very differently.

Thankfully, I really like my History teacher this year. So far, he seems like a pretty nice person. His name is Mr. Solo. He seems like he really cares too. 

Recently, there was a time when he was showing us a video on the river valley civilizations, such as Mesopotamia and Mohenjo-Daro, and even though I tried to focus, I looked over at everybody else and studied what everyone else was doing. I like to watch people because I feel like it’s interesting to see in what different ways people are different from me, and I feel like when you truly watch people, everyone seems like the same person, yet seem so different and unique. 

I know that may sound kinda confusing, so I suggest thinking about it this way. I feel like a lot of times, we think people are very different from us, but I don’t really agree with this ideal. In the end, they all have a mom and dad, don’t they? They wouldn’t be here, without one. They sleep, drink water, and eat food, just like we do. Some of them go to school, others don’t go to school. But they all either go or don’t go to school. Others are older, and go to work. Every person may have a different job, but they all have a job. They all feel something. They may feel numb, sad, happy, tired, angry, or some emotion, but they all feel something. They all have people who they love, whether it be a friend, family member, or a significant other. So, then, you may come to the conclusion that everyone’s the same, but that’s not true at all, because we all have different DNAs, fingerprints, voices, faces, hair, and many more, on the physical side. But even mentally, we all laugh and smile at different things; fall in love with different people, things, and animals; come from different families; and most of all, we all have different personalities. Yet, it is the fact that we have different personalities, that we behave differently, that make us all alike. It’s things like this that get me thinking, and it makes me wonder how it all works. 

It’s incredible how there’s only one person, and how there’s only one person who has existed, does exist, and will exist, and out of every person in existence and person who will exist, only that one person can be that one person. It’s even more crazy when you realize that a surprising amount of people live their lives not being that one person, when they are the only ones who could even be that person in the first place.

I wondered if that football player in my class enjoys playing football. I wondered why he got into football, whether it be because he saw a game on TV, a friend of his persuaded him to join, or his family member suggested it. I wondered if he was happy, and if he had someone to love, and if he didn’t, I hoped he gets someone to love, no matter the type of person he is. Then, I wondered about my teacher, Mr. Solo, and I wondered when he last got to see his parents or siblings (if he had any), if he liked his life at home, and if he was happy. I wondered about the girl sitting next to me, the boy on the front row, and pretty soon, every kid in the class.

After class, Mr. Solo asked me if I was watching people, and I was surprised because I didn’t know he would be able to notice.

“Yes, Mr. Solo. I was,” I said. “I should have paid more attention to the video. I’m sorry.”

I felt really terrible because I knew I should have watched the video more. I was expecting him to yell at me, because I’m sure that’s what most of the teachers I have had in the past would have done if they saw me doing this, but Mr. Solo didn’t do that at all. Instead, he placed his hand on my right shoulder and patted it.

“I used to be like you. When I was young and enslaved by other people, I would watch my community all the time.”

“Enslaved?” I asked. I had no idea he could have been enslaved as a youngster.

“Yeah, I was. I lived in a lawless city located in Missouri, St. Louis. My parents were part of a gang. I was born into it and lived a life full of crime for years. I was so ashamed of it, that when I ran away, I changed my last name. My adoptive family’s last name is Solo.”

“I’m very sorry, Mr. Solo…” I said. “I’m sorry I can’t really say anything better, but I don’t really know what else to say when you hear someone has gone through something like this.”

“Kid, you have nothing to be sorry for. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. What makes you like watching people?”

“It just seems so fascinating how everyone can be so similar to me yet so different. We like to immediately think that the people around us don’t matter, but they do. And every person has a family, a life, friends, loved ones, and when I see that through my own eyes, there’s something so meaningful about. Something I yearn for.”

“You’re very wise for a freshman who just entered high school, kid, especially for someone who just moved in this area.”

I blushed. “Thank you very much, Mr. Solo. I appreciate those words, but that is not true. I’m very mean, selfish, insecure, and just flat out as unwise as a human being could ever be.”

He was quiet initially after I spoke, kind of leaned his head a little leftward, but then answered, “I heard you had a tough time last year with your friend and your social climate back in Pennsylvania, so if you want to ever come to me and talk, come whenever. You’re doing great for a freshman. Seriously.”

“I will. Thank you, Mr. Solo.”

I’m glad I can come to you as well whenever I need to talk too. Have a good day.

Your friend forever,  
Finn

 

October 15, 2016

Hello dear friend,  
Today was the Homecoming Dance, but Poe, Rey, and I didn’t go. Rose, Paige, Jessika, and Snap went, but Poe and Rey wanted to ditch the dance and asked me if they wanted to join them yesterday to go with them to see a movie and eat dinner out at late night.

I was very excited because I had never gone out with anyone except for Slip. I was so anxious that I brushed my teeth three times in a row, took almost thirty minutes to choose the proper shirt and pair of pants, and my hands started shaking as I reached for my dad’s car door because I was so anxious that I would make a mistake when I was with them. 

My dad was so excited to see that I had friends. He kept telling me on the car ride to the theater that he had a very good feeling I would become fast friends with people and that he is glad that I met good people. He asked me a lot of questions about them, asking me what they were like, and I explained. He really wanted to meet them by the time I told him everything about them, and so when we got to the cinema, he got out of the car to meet them, who were waiting outside for me. 

“So you two are Poe and Rey, I believe?” my dad asked.

“Yes. I am Poe, and this here is Rey,” Poe said, pointing at Rey.

“It’s very nice to meet you two. Finn has talked a lot about both of you! Says you guys are very, very good friends to him. Thank you for being so.”

I began to blush as Poe and Rey looked at me with really large smiles. It made my heart skip a beat.

“It’s not a problem, Mr. If anything, we should be thanking Finn. He… he’s awesome,” Rey said.

At this point, my face was so red that my dad looked at me and started laughing. “I’m sure Finn appreciates that. Thank you for the compliments you give him. Feel free to hang around with Finn whenever you guys are done with homework and studying for tests, and have fun.”

“Thank you, Mr.!” Poe shouted as Lando got back in the car.

“Please, Rey and Poe. Call me Lando,” he said as he drove away.

Poe turned to look at me right after he left. “Dude, your dad is so friendly.”

“Thank you, Poe. He really is. I love him,” I said.

After we saw the movie, the three of us went to the Olive Garden in that mall center, and we had a great time. There were a lot of people there who were going to go to Homecoming later, but we didn’t mind. Some of them stopped by the table and chatted with Poe and Rey. It seemed like they knew a lot of people. I even got to see Ben come inside with Phasma and Hux. I don’t know if Rey and Poe noticed or not, but I saw them come in and take a seat around thirty minutes after we arrived.

Poe, Rey, and I decided to play a game so that they could get to know me better, and it was basically where we all had to take turns and say something we didn’t know about each other. I really liked the “game” because I got to know them better. 

I found out Poe wants to become a pilot when he grows up. I found this very fascinating as I know that was actually my dad’s dream when he was a kid. Instead, he became a lawyer. Rey really doesn’t know, but she told me her favorite subject is math, so it’s a start to finding something she really likes. I explained them how I didn’t know anything I wanted to do either, but I really loved watching movies, reading books, and writing my own material, whether it be letters like the ones I send to you, stories, short stories, screenplays, and more. 

“You like to write?” Poe asked.

“Yeah, writing has been my longest hobby besides reading,” Finn answered.

“I’ve never met a boy who wants to become a writer,” Rey said, looking at me with interest. “What type of stuff do you write?”

“Well, all sorts of things. I’ve been working on writing one novel for almost three years, but it’s   
been going nowhere. Most of the stuff I write is totally random, but I still enjoy it. I like writing letters.”

“Letters?” Rey asked. “I didn’t know I would ever meet someone who still wrote letters often. What makes you like letters?”

I responded, “I love how personal it feels. Something about how you have to touch the paper, write or type it yourself, and dedicate it to someone is very personal, in my opinion.”

Suddenly out of nowhere, Ben showed up with Hux and Phasma right behind Rey and Poe, giving the three of us a jump scare.

“Hey, Poe! Hi, Rey,” Ben greeted them.

Rey blushed and beamed at Ben. “Hey, Kylo.”

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Oh, Poe, Finn, and I are just hanging out. We decided we wanted to skip the homecoming dance,” Rey explained.

“Aw… that’s a shame. I was hoping to see you and Poe there. It would have been fun to dance with you two,” Ben said.

“Yeah, it would be,” Rey agreed.

Phasma then slowly turned to look over at me. “Rey, Poe, who is this?”

“Phasma, Kylo, and Hux, this is Finn,” Poe said.

“Hello, Phasma. Hello, Hux. Hello, Ben. It’s nice to meet the three of you,” I said.

“Please don’t call me Ben. Kylo Ren is my real name,” Ben said.

I simply nodded, and for almost ten minutes, the three of them didn’t say a word to me. They talked a lot to Poe and Rey, especially Rey, but I didn’t mind too much because I’m so used to watching conversations take place. If anything, I learned more about Poe and Rey when they interact with others. Every time Poe is called by his name, he suddenly jumps as if someone has shouted his name, and pays a lot of attention to what is being said when he is initially called. On the other hand, I noticed that every time Rey laughs, she lifts her chin up a little bit, closes her eyes, and places her right hand on her right knee. It is really cute actually. It made me wonder if she did that when I made her laugh that one time when we were talking in the library. I didn’t pay any attention to that, so I don’t know if she did. I kept trying to remember, but I couldn’t think of any clues that she did, but then I started to wonder why I was thinking so much about if Rey just moved her face a little bit. It seemed like such a small thing to think too much about, which is when I always think too much. 

When Ben, Hux, and Phasma finally left for the dance, Poe asked me if I wanted to go to his house with Rey, and I wasn’t sure whether to say “yes” or “no”, because I had heard that it was impolite to visit someone else’s home without any warning beforehand, but then again, he had asked me to come. I have no idea why I obsess and overthink simple tasks such as these.

In the end, I decided it was a better idea to accept the offer. Poe’s mom came quickly, and she was incredibly friendly. She asked me a lot of questions, but not in a rude manner at all, mostly out of curiosity. She asked me what life was like in Pennsylvania, which is a question I get asked a lot nowadays, but I don’t mind answering at all. She also asked me about how I met Poe and Rey. Telling her about how I met Poe was exciting, and Poe kept fist bumping me, recounting how it did go the way I described it. 

Talking about how I met Rey was much harder, though, because I felt so shy while trying to tell it. I could tell Rey seemed pretty nervous about it too. Her face was bright red the whole time I tried to tell the story, and I kept stuttering while talking, but when I finally finished, I noticed Rey was giving me a slight grin. Poe didn’t know this was how we met and started laughing very hard. He even said that it almost seemed like it was how two characters would meet in a “love story”, and Rey playfully smacked Poe’s arm and told him to stop while giggling herself.

Poe’s house is very large. His basement is actually the size of my second floor! But I also met his dad, who was also very friendly, just like his mother, and got to meet Poe’s dog, who he named BB-8. 

BB-8 is an apricot colored mini poodle, with insane amounts of energy. He wouldn’t stop licking Rey and me when we were with him in the family room. I like him a lot. I never got the chance to own a dog, so I don’t know what it feels like, but if it was anything like how I felt when BB-8 was tickling me, I’d say it is an experience I’d like to experience. 

Poe took us up to his room, which Rey had seen before, but for obvious reasons, I hadn’t. Because the only other room I had been in was Slip’s, there was nothing that much to compare to, but I noticed that his room was much cleaner than Slip’s. Slip loved to leave clothes everywhere in his room, hang socks on the ceiling fan, and leave a bag of cheese popcorn always open so that his pet gerbils, who lived in his room, could eat it whenever they felt like it. He liked to leave it like that, because he told me it helped him fuel his imagination. Poe’s was very neat, organized, and there was nothing on the floor. It was more like my room, which I wasn't used to seeing. He had a lot of posters up. Most of them had to do with aircraft, but there was one poster he had, which had rainbow colors spiraling into infinity. It was one of the most fascinating designs I had ever seen. The walls of his room are orange, and he also has a Princeton University sign posted on his wall, so I guess either one or both of his parents graduated from there or he really wants to go.

Poe and Rey introduced me to this game called, “The Game of Things…”, and I liked it a lot because it was another ice-breaker while being wildly fun. If you’ve never played, it’s basically this game where one person randomly picks a card, which lists a topic. For example, it may say, “Things… you should never do when studying for a test…”, and you’d have to finish the sentence and put it in a pile everyone made. The catch, though, is that you write down your answer on a slip and one person has to guess who wrote it. Now, because it was just the three of us, it was easy for Rey and Poe to guess each other because they knew each other’s handwriting and personalities well. What was really fun was when I had to guess something Poe wrote and something Rey wrote. They told me we should try something like this again when there were a lot more people, like our friends, Rose, Paige, and Snap. 

Lastly, we had our own “dance”. Poe turned up some music and tried to get Rey and me to dance. He turned on some music he liked to listen to and started dancing. I’m a really bad dancer, so I just stood there, watching Poe, and he was really, really good. He kept looking at Rey and me with a disappointed look while he was dancing, constantly saying, “Come on! It’s okay. This is a no judge zone!:”

Rey scoffed. “A no judge zone? The last time we danced, you asked me what I did with the money you gave me, and when I asked what you were talking about, you told me the money I should have spent on dancing lessons.”

Poe rolled his eyes. “Alright, alright, a judgement free zone from this moment forward.”

Rey laughed and began to dance slowly along the tune. I wasn’t sure why she was so nervous to dance, she was so good at it. The way her feet moved in such a smooth manner on the ground, the way her hands and arms twirled, there was something so majestic about it. 

The fact that Rey and Poe were dancing while I wasn’t made me feel bad, but I didn’t know what to do. Thankfully, they knew exactly how to help. Poe and Rey took my hand and started dancing with me. It was a three person dance, and they spun me around, trying to get me to move. It worked, nevertheless. I started to dance a little bit, and even though it was terrible, they were very encouraging. Right once I started dancing, they started whooping, and then took my arms and started spinning me in a circle. It was the most wild dancing I had ever done. At some point, we hopped on Poe’s bed and just spun on there, jumping and spinning at the same time. When the song ended, we all crashed into each other and landed on the bed, and we were sweating and laughing so hard that my chest hurt. I know I keep talking about Slip every time I have a good feeling, so you’re probably getting tired of me saying that, but it’s true. All my positive memories are with my dad, mom, and Slip, and the last time I laughed that hard was when Slip told a joke.

It was one of the greatest nights of my life, and I hope I can have something like that with them again. 

Having Poe and Rey by my side has reminded me how awesome it is to have a friend by my side. When Slip and I weren’t together, I was so alone all the time that I always felt normal being alone, and even when it felt normal, it felt like something was missing. 

Have a nice day.

Your friend forever,  
Finn

 

October 20, 2016

Hello dear friend,  
My Geometry grade was really bad the beginning of this quarter because I did really bad on my first quiz. (I got a D on it… yeah, that bad.) I did get an A on that second quiz, but I got a B on the test, so when it averaged out with my homework, it only made my grade a B. 

I’ve studied a lot for this test that’s coming up, because I got a B+ on both of the quizzes for the unit, and if you do better on the test than your quiz averages for the unit, they bump it up to your test score. Also, my teacher refuses to curve, so it’s an one-time chance, and I have to seize it. I really want to get at least an A- for the quarter. (I’m not sure why she doesn’t curve, because the class average is a D right now, and she told us this straight up.) I watched lots of videos on Khan Academy, requested for more copies of the classwork and homework and did them over again, watched all the videos she made for our flipped classroom, and did extra problems I found on the web. The only thing I am missing is an answer key for the classwork and homework I did in school.

I don’t know why my Geometry teacher does this, but even after we complete our classwork and homework, she never gives us an answer key for it. I’m not sure why she does this, because whenever I complete classwork and homework, I like to check my answers for it, in order to discover what I did wrong, learn from it, and not make the same mistakes on an exam. I’m starting to get worried that I did the classwork and homework improperly, and I just don’t know I did it improperly. 

Poe’s really nervous for it too, but his teacher gave them the answers to their classroom and homework, so he knows everything he’s been doing wrong and how to fix them. I have no clue. I’ve been watching the videos she made and comparing them to the work I’ve been doing to see if I’ve been making mistakes. So far, there hasn’t been any.

I’m just going to try my best on the Unit 2 exam tomorrow. I’m incredibly nervous, but I know I’ve got to try. 

Actually, I think I should take that back. Rose and Snap have been trying to teach me how to be self-confident, and one of the biggest things they told me was that I needed to stop trying, and I needed to start doing. After all, that’s the point of all of this, isn’t it? To take past mistakes, improve, and become better. That’s how it is done, right? 

I’m going to follow their advice. I’m going to stop trying and start doing! I’m going to come back from this!

Have a nice day.

Your friend forever,  
Finn

 

October 21, 2016

Hello dear friend,  
Sadly, I don’t think I can come back from this. That test was very, very hard, and I know for a fact she is not going to curve it.

Have a nice day.

Your friend forever,  
Finn

 

October 24, 2016

Hello dear friend,  
I realized that I’m always really selfish when I write letters to you because I always talk about myself and never really ask about you. I’m sorry about that, and I want to change that starting today. Seriously, the last two letters, all I did is complain about my grades in school.

How are you? I hope you’re doing well. How’s your family? How’s life? If you’re in school, how’s the work? If you’re in the workforce, how’s your job? Is it something you like? Is it fun? What do you like most about it?

Nevertheless, it’s been a while since I talked about my friends. I guess I should tell you more about them; however, nothing too much has been happening. We hang out, have fun together, and just get through school together. Rey, Poe, Jessika and I are very nervous about trying out for the swim team. We have no idea how well we’re going to do. 

Our tryouts are November 6-9, so we’ve got only two more weeks to prepare! 

According to Jessika, her big brother, who is two grades above us, is on the swim team, and the team itself is very competitive. It makes me very nervous to swim.

While I didn’t want to bring up grades, I feel like I should finish the conversation on that Geometry test because my scores for it came out. Let’s just say I didn’t do very well on it… thankfully, my grade didn’t drop, but I’m incredibly nervous for the upcoming quarters. I’ve always done the worst in the beginning of the school year, but my Geometry teacher has been saying that the class is only going to get harder.

Some good news is that my dad has finally decided to go see a grief counselor to get help with grieving Mom’s death. I’m really glad he did this on his own because he has been still crying every night, and I was incredibly worried about him. He told me about it last night. I told him that I would come with him to every session because I wanted to be by his side through all of it, so this Saturday evening, we’re going to be going to our first therapy session. I’ll tell you how it goes if I get the chance to.

I’ll talk to you again soon. Have a nice day.

Your friend forever,  
Finn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear friend,
> 
> Thanks for reading. Whether you enjoyed it or not, thanks for giving this a chance and checking it out. I hope you liked this chapter. If you didn't, I'm sorry I couldn't please you, and feel free to let me know if there's anything I can work on! I can't promise a date where I will update this story, but this story is not close to done, so there will be much more. 
> 
> Have a nice day.
> 
> Your friend forever,  
> anthonytheboy

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my fanfic! 
> 
> Feel free to leave constructive criticism. In fact, please do if you have any. I would love to work on what I need work with and try my best with that. If there's anything you want me to do, whether it be through this fanfiction in later chapters or another fanfiction. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it. Have a good day.
> 
> Your friend forever,  
> anthonytheboy


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